The Quiet Grief of Menopause, and Why Workplaces Need to Understand It
“I just don’t feel like myself.”
It is a phrase I hear often in menopause conversations, and one I recognise from my own experience.
At first, the changes felt almost superficial. The clothes I had always felt good in no longer seemed to suit me. My body was changing and, with it, the way I saw myself. But it did not stop there. I noticed what felt like changes in my personality, in my tolerance, in my confidence and even in my values. Things I had once been certain about no longer felt so clear.
Alongside menopause, life was changing too. My children were becoming independent, bringing the complicated emotions of an empty nest. My parents getting older and the thoughts around them not longer being here. These are natural parts of life, but when they arrive alongside disrupted sleep, anxiety, brain fog, low mood, irritability and exhaustion, it can feel as though the version of you that managed everything has gone missing.
For me, that was the grief in menopause. Not necessarily grief in the traditional sense, but a quieter loss of familiarity. A loss of the person you thought you were, the way you moved through the world and the certainty that you could rely on your own mind and body in the way you always had.
For me, that was the grief in menopause. Not necessarily grief in the traditional sense, but a quieter loss of familiarity.
It is more common than we may realise
This is not simply anecdotal.
A 2024 study of more than 1,600 women aged 35 to 55 found that 63.3% reported not feeling like themselves at least half of the time during the previous three months. The feelings were most strongly associated with fatigue, pain, feeling overwhelmed, low mood, anxiety, irritability, brain fog, difficulty making decisions, forgetfulness, tearfulness and increased worry.
The study does not suggest that every person going through menopause will experience this, nor that menopause is the only cause. Midlife is often full of competing pressures and major life changes. But it does give weight to an experience that is too easily dismissed.
A qualitative study of women’s menopause experiences in Ireland found that, for some, the transition brought grief and loss of identity. Participants spoke about mourning what they could no longer do, changing relationships, their changing bodies and the person they felt they had been. Others described menopause as a more liberating stage of life.
Both can be true. Menopause is individual. For some it is manageable, positive or barely noticeable. For others, it can feel like an unexpected and profound disruption.
What has this got to do with work?
Around three years ago, I reached a point where I did not trust myself to make a decision. Not just a professional decision, but decisions about personal life, work and what I wanted next.
I felt stuck, trying to navigate all the unfamiliar feelings that fluctuating hormones seemed to throw up, while life carried on demanding answers and action. When you are used to being decisive, capable and able to hold many things at once, losing trust in your own judgement can be frightening.
Around three years ago, I reached a point where I did not trust myself to make a decision.
That does not mean hormones were the only reason I felt that way. They were not. Life was changing around me too. But research does suggest that, for some people, greater fluctuation in oestrogen during perimenopause may increase sensitivity to psychosocial stress and vulnerability to low mood. In other words, things that might once have felt manageable can suddenly feel much harder to carry, amplified.
That matters at work because an employee may be trying to make sense of changes in their confidence, appearance, relationships, caring responsibilities and sense of identity, while also managing poor sleep, concentration difficulties, anxiety or irritability. They may not have the language for it. They may simply know that they are not coping as well as they usually do.
At work, this can show up as reduced confidence, difficulty making decisions, withdrawal from opportunities, anxiety about performance, lower resilience or a shorter fuse than usual. Too often, those changes are treated as a capability, attitude or performance issue before anyone asks what might be driving them.
That is not about excusing poor behaviour or lowering expectations. It is about understanding context early enough to have a helpful conversation, explore what support may be needed and prevent a manageable situation becoming a reason someone steps back or leaves.
Research on workplace identity reinforces this. A 2026 systematic review found that menopause can destabilise a person’s professional self, affecting self-trust, belonging and career direction. If an organisation wants to retain experienced people, it must recognise that menopause can affect not only attendance or productivity, but how someone sees themselves in their role.
Closing the 10% Quit Club
We talk a great deal about menopause symptoms, policies and awareness. All of those things matter.
But if we want to close the 10% Quit Club, the current percentage of menopausal people leaving the workplace or taking a lesser role, we also need to understand the emotional reality that can sit underneath them.
The colleague who appears disengaged may be grieving a sense of self they cannot quite explain. The manager who seems less decisive may be navigating brain fog while supporting ageing parents. The high performer who turns down progression may no longer recognise the confidence they once had.
Good menopause support does not assume. It creates the safety, knowledge and routes for a person to say, “I am struggling and I do not feel like myself at the moment,” without worrying that this will change how they are viewed.
That is where meaningful support begins. Not with a judgement about how someone is showing up, but with curiosity about what may be happening behind it.
Good menopause support does not assume. It creates the safety,
If you would like to know more about Menopause Action Plans, or how to turn policy into practice, use the button below.
The related blog:https://www.imaginehow.co.uk/blog/workplace-menopause-support-why-culture-matters is also a usful part of the puzzle when building a menopause strategy that ultimately moves the dial!
Research referenced: Coslov, Richardson and Woods, 2024 | Gordon et al., 2016 | Giggins et al., 2025